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dar williams
www.darwilliams.com |
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mpower minute: hear Dar speak
(MP3)
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| I make
it perfectly clear in many of my songs that I have experienced
clinical depression, that it was a disease I survived, and
that therapy is nothing to be afraid of. |
1. What role has music played in your own mental
health and well-being?
Music has reinforced everything about maintaining good mental health. It
reminds me that we mere humans are capable of great heights of beauty. When
I've felt like a less-than-worthy human, I've just felt more depressed
in the face of such beauty! This is too bad, because beauty
reminds us that life is meaningful, but depression has a way of making
us feel inadequate in the face of loveliness. Words of compassion
and empathy in lyrics are the exceptions, of course. Comfort and
encouragement, when accompanied by melodies, can be all the more
powerful.
2. What songs or lyrics have guided you though difficult times?
I remember when The Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray" came out. I
was just recovering from depression, and the whimsy and camaraderie of "we
will get by, we will survive" seemed like a road-tested anthem of
good will. I think a lot of people love Grateful Dead songs like "Ripple" for
just that reason. Music from my childhood --comfort food music
-- like Don McClean's American Pie album, Simon and Garfunkel,
Fairport Convention, and classical music were soothing. Motown
that I could sing
along with was great for feeding that fantasy life one can have
when one is depressed...I could get lost in the dream of being
an Aretha or
Stevie Wonder back-up singer.
3. What do you hope your music can do for young
people who are going though difficult times?
I make it perfectly clear in many of my songs that I have experienced
clinical depression, that it was a disease I survived, and that
therapy is nothing to be afraid of. Since I am no longer depressed, I write
about other things, too, but hopefully I never get into any territory
that really tips off depression (in my opinion): excessive, obsessive
attention to how people look (on the outside), lack of basic compassion,
fear of "weakness", and definitions of "the only way to
live."
4. Stigma and public misunderstanding about mental illness continues
to prevent young people from seeking help. Have you ever experienced
stigma firsthand?
Mostly the stigma was in my head, and, of course, there was the
stereotypical fear that my depression made me "interesting." Ha! It
didn't even make me "attractive" (svelte, detached, mysterious). It
made me look pasty and anxious, and, since I had no confidence,
I couldn't pick out an outfit, so I would wear the same thing for
weeks at a time
(although sometimes I do that now, too!), which was usually loose
clothes that helped me fade out of view.
5. Please share any personal stories of mental
illness and recovery either you, a friend or family member has experienced.
My breakthroughs were almost all related to the months of March
and April, five months into therapy. I had many breakthroughs before
that, but the flight into the world that full of colors, kindness,
and life was the most exciting part. I had about six dreams that
we analyzed during this time. One of them had a cast of me, a housemate I'd
just stopped sleeping with (in reality), and his fictional newgirlfriend. "I" was
pragmatic, doing the dishes, offering breakfast, and "she" was
very sexual, swimming in his big bathrobe, long wavy hair, from the French
Riviera, and girlishly coy. My psychiatrist said, "They are
both you." I realized that I thought I wasn't at all
attractive, that I had to put on an act to make men interested in me,
that I had no organic magnetism. How sad! And isn't that how so many
men and women feel??? I decided to work on that, an important direction. I
also realized I'd written a scene about this kind of personality split
for a playwriting course the year before, but I thought it was just "an
assignment". I realized that my soul (I had a soul??!!) had
been shouting at me for a long time, coming out in things like my playwriting,
telling me to deal with my low self-esteem. Unconsciously, I had
been sticking up for myself. I got SO MUCH power from this knowledge. Believe
it or not, if you have depression, your soul is sticking up for
you, too, no matter how insignificant you feel.
6. Comments about your support of mpower:
I hope that I can provide this voice: music can be so helpful in
helping with depression, but only in the way, in my opinion,
that music can help a person recover from a heart attack. Depression is
a disease,
and it requires a therapist's help, if not a medical doctor's
help, which is also sometimes essential. I also believe therapy helps,
even when one is not depressed. Unfortunately, therapy
is expensive, and/or it's hard to find the cheaper resources when one
is laid low by this disease. My sister, in fact, kicked my ass
into therapy when I couldn't see to do it myself. My dream scenario
would be to help fundraise or lobby for hotlines, free therapy, and
helpful information: a nationwide network that will leave no depressed
person behind. Hopefully mpower is a step in this direction!
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