 Paul's
Story
Hi. My name is Paul Neri. I am a 23-year-old male.
I'm a former FDNY-EMT who has made a complete recovery from full-blown
post-traumatic stress disorder and co-occurring disorders that developed
after several traumatic events happened in my life within the last
five years.
It all started back in high school when I was very insecure
with myself and I was having family problems that no one understood.
In my senior year I didn't pass a writing test, which resulted in my
not being able to attend my high school graduation ceremony, and delayed
my graduation to September of 1998. This kept me from attending college,
along with the fact that my parents don't understand the value of a quality
education and wouldn't pay for me to attend. When this happened a felt
like such a loser. My family didn't know how much that hurt me. Every
time I went to them for help with a problem I was always told, "You
don't know what problems are."
Three years later, at the age of 20, I witnessed my grandfather
go slowly through the death process. This was very painful because I
was able to save other people's lives but I wasn't able to help him,
my own family member. He died a year later, in 2001, the same year I
became a member of the New York City Fire Department's Bureau of Emergency
Medical Services. This EMT position was a stepping-stone towards becoming
a New York City firefighter, so it was both a joyful and painful year
for me.
Then September 11th happened. It was devastating for me.
It was my vacation week but I was in the NYC area. When I found out what
had happened, that both buildings had come down, it was very challenging
to accept that I wasn't on duty when the big one hit because I love fire
rescue work. I didn't know exactly what to do for to help because I didn't
know the system. When I made the effort to go down there that day my
mom pleaded with me not to go, she look liked she would have breakdown
if I did, so I decided to stay home. In November of 2001 I did recovery
work down at ground zero. During that tour we recovered a body. That
ripped the hole in my heart wide open. I felt like I was a failure for
not doing what I loved, helping people in need.
Soon after that, I had an emotional breakdown. My whole
world caved in on me and I was forced to resign from the FDNY-EMS because
the department would give me enough time off for me to recover. I had
been doing conventional therapy prior to that but the professional didn't
understand me or the issues that I needed to resolve so that I could
be well again. The things that have helped when during my journey toward
full recovery were self help products and music, because it lifted me
up. Music for me was a healer. That's why I have joined forces with mpower
to educate the public about mental health involving young people and
to stamp out the stigma. So that more young people will ask for help
when they are in need.
I want young people to know that there is hope, and that
they can recover completely from anxiety disorders and depression, as
I have done, with the appropriate treatment and support. You too can
reach the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't ever give up or give
in.
- Paul Neri, 23, New York, USA
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