 Farah's
Story
On paper, I am a statistic. A number. One
of the 20 percent of people with a mental health problem--depression.
However, just like the millions of other people who have had a mental
illness, this statistic has a heart and a story to tell.
I was diagnosed with depression in January 1996, during
my sophomore year of college. At the beginning of spring semester, I
had what is stereotypically called a "nervous breakdown." I
remember lying in bed, covers up over my face, crying uncontrollably,
and believing that I was going insane. The most unbearable sadness and
sense of hopelessness overwhelmed me, and I was more frightened than
I had ever been in my entire life. The word 'crazy' frantically paced
back and forth in my mind, as I recalled images of people in straight
jackets in rooms with padded walls (My preconceived notions reflected
my ignorance of mental illness. Where I came from people didn't talk
about mental illness--I knew practically nothing about it). After quitting
school and moving home (the unconditional support of family and friends
enabled me to make that tough decision), I sought necessary help and
began to understand that I was experiencing something real and that I
was not alone.
I want to talk more about recovery. "Recovery" is
a tricky word. It assumes that there is an end to the healing process
and that we ultimately return to being the people we were before mental
illness entered our lives. In truth, the process of recovery can mean
different things to different people. For me, recovery has no ending;
although sometimes characterized by as many "downs" as "ups",
it is a challenging and positive learning experience that continues to
influence my life today. The knowledge I've acquired during the past
seven years of recovery has changed me in such a profound way, and I
am grateful for the perspective I now have.
While I am healthy and don't currently experience symptoms
of depression, I continue to heal--to make sense of it all. Now, my goal
is to help ease this healing process for others by trying to increase
mental health awareness in my community.
mpower gives me hope that someday the stereotypes and shame
surrounding mental illness will be replaced by truth and compassion,
motivating the one in five people with a mental illness to seek help
without fear.
-Farah Kauffman, State College, PA
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